


Red Butler

by RuriAiko



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:52:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4916767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuriAiko/pseuds/RuriAiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate universe where Grell and Sebastian are swapped, with a few other changes.</p>
<p>Grell and Ciel investigate reports of more murders - and all signs point to Sebastian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Butler

It was a normal day for the butler of Phantomhive Manor.  
Grell was making the Young Lord, Ciel, tea when the phone rang.  
“Could you please answer that, Grell?”  
“Of course, My Lord.”  
He picked up the phone.  
“Phantomhive Manor, butler Grell speaking, hello?”  
About five minutes passed, then Grell put down the phone, fixing his red-framed glasses.  
“Well, what was it, Grell?” Ciel asked.  
“It seems to be that we have to chase down that idiot, Sebastian, again.” Grell sighed, running his fingers through his long red hair.  
Ciel shuddered. He could still picture Mary Jane Kelly's body from what Sebastian did to her.  
And Madam Red, Ciel’s aunt...  
“When shall we leave, My Lord?” Grell enquired.  
“At once.” Grell never really understood the young lord and his impatience.  
He left to get the carriage ready. Or rather, he asked the lower servants to set the carriage. Finnian instantly ran off in the wrong direction, Bard uselessly leaned against the wall, and Mey Rin’s face turned bright red when Grell looked at her. Tanaka just laughed.  
“What a hopeless bunch of humans,” Grell observed, after they had eventually gone, five minutes later.  
“Well, I suppose they can't be as good as demons.”  
Ciel said.  
Grell turned around.  
“Yes, quite right, My Lord.”  
“So, are we going now, Grell?”  
“If the three listened to me, I should think so.”  
“What do you mean “IF”, Grell?!”  
“Well, last time, if I remember correctly, Bard somehow managed to set fire to Mey Rin’s dress, and Finny tried to put her out by rolling her on the ground. It was quite the sight.”  
They walked silently to the door.  
“What are we going to do about Sebastian?” Said Grell.  
“You will do exactly as I say, nothing less. Why is it even our problem?” He said, both of them descending the manor stairs.  
“I received the report that another body has been found, and William T. Spears would have no idea. We know it will be him.”  
“Ugh, then let's go get that idiot.”  
Half an hour later, when they reached the place, they hid in an old building. Sure enough, soon they saw Sebastian sneaking around in the hat that Madam Red used to wear... For some reason, he thought it matched his black clothes and short, shaggy black hair.  
“Oh good grief, why does he insist on wearing that horrid thing?” Ciel muttered.   
He remembered then, when Sebastian first came to the manor with his aunt, who was begging Grell to mentor him; how he couldn't do anything right, even spilling tea everywhere. He recalled how when Lizzie came and decided to make everything “pretty”, she put a dress on him and the only thing he protested about was that the dress didn't suit his “figure”. He recalled when Grell was playing the violin, how Sebastian took it upon himself to be the vocals. How Sebastian looked adoringly at Grell, his butler...  
“Shall I confront him, young Lord?” Grell said, interrupting his thoughts.  
“Go ahead. But make it worth wasting my time. Force him to stop if you must.”  
“Yes, My Lord.”  
Grell strode out, not bothering to stay silent.  
Sebastian whipped around, the large hat fluttering.  
“OH CLIFFY! I knew I would be too irresistible! Have you come to take me away? Oh, go on, you monster! Take me to the manor tonight! You know you want to, Cliffy!”  
“Please don't make any more improper advances on me, Sebastian. You caused enough trouble last time, anyhow. Does William know you're here?”  
“Oh, I wouldn't say he KNOWS where I am, but I certainly know where he is, Cliffy!”  
“I think if you just answered me straight, we wouldn't have any problems.”  
Sebastian walked towards Grell with a sultry little smile, staring down to the shorter man.  
“Oh, but you see, Grell...” He lowered his face right next to Grell's, the ridiculous red flouncy hat touching Grell as Sebastian twirled his short black hair in his hands.  
“I don't DO anything straight!”  
Grell sighed. Why does he have to be so forward?  
“You see Sebastian, just because now you have no master to obey, it certainly does not mean you can go on a murderous rampage. My young Lord has allowed- no, instructed- me to use force if you don't stop this stupidity. And I think you know just as well as I that a Master is to be obeyed, Sebastian. Now, are you going to cease this idiocy, or do I have to contact William?”   
Sebastian took a step back.  
“Well, hasn't the wild beast you can be been tamed, hmmm?” Sebastian struck a dramatically “provocative” pose,  
“Well, Cliffy, you might enjoy your little servant-master games but you see, Cliffy, I only like those-” The tall, black haired Reaper smiled, winked and blew a kiss.  
“In the BEDROOM!”  
Grell was tired of the other man's nonsense.   
“Do you have no shame, Reaper? You think, perhaps, that I or anyone else will ever respond to your romantic wants? You disgust me.”  
“Ooohhh, Cliffy, but you are wrooong! You are the one with no shame, why, you hurt a woman's feelings just then, did you know?!”  
“As if you didn't already know that, you stupid man.”  
“Oh, that absolutely does it, Cliffy.”  
He pulled out his Death Scythe, a black chainsaw.  
“Because you see, Cliffy...”  
He ran towards Grell, wielding the Scythe.  
“I AM A LADY!”  
He swiped at Grell with all of his strength, certain he wouldn't miss but Grell merely stepped aside, as the force of the failed blow drove Sebastian to the ground head first, the wretched hat buried in the dirt.  
“Oh, goodness, this can't be missed, I must get the young Lord! Good show, Sebastian, stay there with your shredded pride!”  
Grell walked over to the building that Ciel had been waiting in.  
“Good, you're back. Let's leave this instant.”  
“Er, not yet, Young Lord. It seems to be that Sebastian has chosen this night to make a complete spectacle of himself, and I thought that it would be in your best interest to show you.”  
“Grell, I told you that this was already a waste of my time. Why did you prolong my suffering by staying here and messing around?”  
“Why don't you just come and take a look, Young Lord?”  
“Oh, well, it's not like you could possibly waste my time anymore. Hurry up, then, before he gets away.You did keep him there, yes?”  
Grell flicked his long hair.  
“Of course he won't get away. What kind of a butler would I be if I couldn't do that?”  
Grell returned to see Sebastian sobbing in the dirt, William standing near him.  
“Get up Sebastian, you are an absolute disgrace to all Reapers.” William said, fixing his glasses with his garden rake Scythe.  
“It's nice to see how close an eye you keep on him, hmm?” Grell sneered.  
“I am a LADY!” Sebastian started to blubber.  
“Of the night, it seems.” Grell said.  
Ciel sighed and walked off.  
“Bloody butler...”  
“Why can't anyone get that right? No one treats me nicely!” He blew his nose in the hat.  
“Get up NOW, you embarrassment-”  
“ESPECIALLY YOU, WILL! Is it too much to complement me? Is it too much to ask you to open doors for me, to let me through? SO MUCH FOR LADIE’S FIRST!”  
“It doesn't matter what you delude yourself as being, Sebastian, because right now we are LEAVING!”  
Sebastian stood up, pointing to the now-snotty hat.  
“Oh, my hat! Will, do be a gentleman and carry it for me!”  
“He seems awfully cheerful all of a sudden, don't you think? I hope you won't forget the reason he is here, and that you punish him as necessary.” Grell reminded William, referring to the death.  
“What I do is none of your concern, demon. I will see to it that Sebastian is reprimanded, free from the meddling of you. You have no right to tell me what action to take. Goodbye.” With those words, William flipped his rake Scythe, caught the tailcoats of Sebastian’s black jacket, and, twisting the rake so the coat was tangled, began to drag the Reaper away.  
“Right, let's leave then, Grell.” Ciel turned away.  
“Yes, My Lord.”  
“OH, WILL, WHAT ARE YOU - I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS!”  
“Oh, really? With what money? From your...”   
William turned to face Sebastian.  
“...“Services?”, Perhaps?”  
“WHY YOU...! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM A RESPECTFUL LADY!”  
“A what? All I see is a man.”  
William tugged harder on the rake.  
“STOP IT!”  
Will laughed, still dragging him.  
“Aren't you forgetting something, Sebastian?”  
“NO OF COURSE I'M NOT WHO DO YOU THINK I AM I AM A LADY AND A LADY NEVER FORGETS HER...”  
Sebastian gasped. Will laughed harder.  
“MY HAT!”  
William winced and put a hand to his forehead.  
“Stop screaming, you idiot, you've given me a damn headache!”  
“WHAT?”  
“SEBASTIAN!”  
“But my hat...” Sebastian started to cry again.  
They stopped and William turned on Sebastian.  
“OH FINE WE WILL GO BACK AND GET THE BLOODY THING!”  
Sebastian instantly became a five year old child.  
“Oh, are we really?! You are always so nice to me! I knew you would be a gentleman! Oh, you chivalrous, honorable, courteous man!” Then he stopped being five.  
“Say, you don't have any overtime, do you?” He smiled, running his hands over Will’s shoulders.  
“Because I was thinking, if you weren't busy tonight, maybe we could...”  
William flicked the rake over his shoulder, throwing Sebastian into the dirt.  
“No, I don't have overtime, but you do.”  
“OH WILL HOW COULD YOU?”  
“Well, I've certainly seen this before... But have I seen an ugly Reaper with a mouth full of dirt before? Hmmm, and the tears of shame are familiar... ”  
“YOU!”  
“Ah yes, me.”  
“YOU!”  
“What?”  
“YOU!”  
“Oh joy, the fall gave him brain damage. Well I guess no one will know, since he was always this stupid anyway.”  
“You are always so mean to me!”  
“Really?” William put on a high, whiny, feminine voice.  
“Oh Will, you chivalrous, honorable, courteous man! Oh, Will, love me! Oh Will, take me in your arms! Oh Will, make me yours! OH WILL!”  
“I do NOT sound sound like that!”  
“You most certainly do, Sebastian. In fact, It was perfect. It is also interesting to note that of all things you could have denied with what I just said, you chose my voice.”  
“Can we pleeeeeeaase go get my hat now? I really am tired!”  
Will put the voice on again.  
“Can we pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase go get my stupid useless hat now? I really have to be a complete idiot to anyone I meet and if it suits me, I'll try to hit on them because I am painfully lonely and no one likes me! I also think I am a female! Oh yay!”  
Sebastian stood up.  
“Please?”  
“Oh fine. Let's go.”


End file.
